I wasn’t ready for marriage

For any of you who have thought about the “practicality” of living together or debated how ready you are for marriage, I think this post is a great reminder that you can’t control for everything. At some point, you have to take a risk and you just have to move forward. That’s not the “end all” answer for every situation, but I feel this post is a good reminder of what’s important.

The Matt Walsh Blog

I met my wife on eHarmony. I was a morning rock DJ in Delaware, she was living in Maryland and finishing up her degree. I drove two and a half hours to pick her up for our first date. I spent most of my bi-weekly paycheck on tickets to a dinner theater in Baltimore. The rest went to gas and tolls.

And that’s the way it would go for the next year and a half (minus the dinner theater part). Once a week, I’d spend money I didn’t have and drive the 260 mile roundtrip to see the love of my life. Sometimes I’d sleep for a few hours in the guest room at her mom’s house, waking up at 2AM to head back to the coast for my 5:30AM radio show.

I was very tired back then.

And broke.

Lord, was I broke.

She’d take turns driving my way, burning gas she couldn’t afford to burn and…

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What makes a marriage work?

This post really resonated with me so I’d like to share it.  Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married; I think we can all benefit from the message of friendship as a key component of marriage.  Take a look, it’s a good read 🙂

THE #1 THING WE’D HAVE CHANGED IN OUR MARRIAGE

“Abstinence is unrealistic and old fashioned.” – One blogger’s response.

In a recent conversation with some friends, I related a story about a young woman whose conversation I was unable to block from my hearing. I complained and rolled my eyes at how young and immature she is and the way in which she is playing into society’s supposed promotion of women’s liberation. I couldn’t stand the way in which she talked about her multiple boyfriends and casual relationships as if it was the most enlightened way of life. Because the truth is that it’s unnatural. You can’t pretend that sex means nothing and that living a promiscuous life doesn’t do any damage. As I told my friends about this instance, my tone was annoyed. But I think the truth is that I was disturbed and later God pointed out that instead of judging this girl, I should be praying for her. I should be considering that very damage in her life and hoping that it can be repaired rather than condemning her.

Thank you Matt Walsh for your perspective – a much needed one. And I’m so glad that Jeremy reached out to you for advice on abstinence in today’s world. However, my one point of contention is to not make the mistake I did. Although I am equally unhappy about what that health teacher had to say, it’s also not right to condemn her. We have a responsibility to speak truth into people’s lives but not to judge them. That’s for God to do. Obviously, this young woman has some misguided sense of reality and a true disconnect from much-needed wisdom. Unfortunately, she’s in an influential position and could do some serious damage with the kids she’s teaching. I think she’s wrong but instead of condemning her, let’s pray for her and others like her who desperately need to know the real truth. God loves her, the young woman I mentioned, and Jeremy equally.

The Matt Walsh Blog

From my inbox, an email from a high school student named Jeremy:

“Dear Matt, first I want to say I really like your blog. One of my teachers actually mentioned it in class once after you wrote something (she didn’t mention it in a good way lol) and I went and looked you up so I’ve been following you ever since. I know you get so much email so I don’t expect you to see this but in case you do I wanted to get your opinion about something. You write a lot about relationships and everything so I’m wondering if you think abstinence should be encouraged in school?

Reason I’m asking is because we are doing our sex ed lessons in health class now and the topic has come up. Yesterday my health teacher was talking about safe sex and someone mentioned abstinence and she said it wasn’t realistic…

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An Airport Run-In Fit for Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan

I Kissed My Date Goodnight

Airport DelaysI’ve been traveling a bit lately for both personal and work-related reasons. As much as I love life on the road, there are things about it that are just plain annoying. You know what I’m talking about, right? Wannabe-cop TSA agents, delayed-for-no-apparent-reason flights, airplane seats designed for Kristin Chenoweth, and non-existent airplane food and blankets. I mean, either turn the airplane temperature up by 20 degrees or give me a dang blanket already!

Now that airlines are charging for everything except breathing, one of the newly challenging aspects of flying is the no-holds-barred fight for overhead luggage space. No one wants to pay to check bags anymore, so there’s now not enough space for everyone’s over-packed carry-ons. That’s where Southwest comes in handy for me. Two free bags per ticketed passenger and I can stroll onto the flight with just my laptop and a medium coffee. Sigh. So nice!

Of…

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People Change (But Please Don’t Change Too Much)

Ever thought about all those unhappy married couples you know? I think we’ve all thought about how to not end up growing apart in marriage as so many people do. I was so encouraged to read this post simply because I know my “fears” are not just mine, but that many others are thinking about them as well.

I Kissed My Date Goodnight

What? A blog post on a Sunday? That’s strange!

Truth be told, I was horrified at the thought that my last post was published just a few hours shy of… gulp… two weeks ago. By posting now I’m avoiding hitting that terrible milestone that no bonafide writer should ever have to face!

Usain_BoltLast night I laid down in bed, exhausted after a long day of work. Do you ever notice when you’re most exhausted — physically, mentally and even emotionally — is the precise time your mind decides to run faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics?

<< This guy. What a joker!

That’s exactly how I found myself last night. Exhausted to no end, yet frantically running through a list of to-dos and almost-dones and nearly-theres and oh-crap-I-forgot-to-do-that-one! So, I decided to shut my mind up by watching a quick episode of New Girl on my phone. And, of…

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Taking a Break from Dating

Ever gone through seasons of just giving up on even thinking about your love life? I know I have. This is a great post simply because of its vulnerability. Sometimes you just need to hear that someone else gets it. Take a look!

Wasted Time: True Love’s Saboteur.

Tired of Being Single

English: Bangladeshi wedding at Dhaka

The last 12 months have been whirlwind of engagements, proposals, bridal showers, and weddings. Last month, I attended the first of 4 recent/upcoming weddings in my circle of close friends. The next is that of my closest friend at the end of this month and then two more will take place next summer.

I honestly could not be happier about these weddings. I feel so incredibly blessed to see all of these girls end up with husbands/fiances who know God personally and who truly treasure them.

But at the same time, I find I’ve come right up against that cliched experience of being one of the last single ladies. And what they say is true – Somehow, being surrounded by all those weddings makes your own desire for marriage all the more acute. When all of your close friends start heading down the aisle and you’re still on the lookout, the irritation and longing of waiting seems to hang even heavier on your shoulders.

I don’t think I could identify more with the title of this post, which is why I want to share this article from Single Roots. It’s an important reminder that God calls us to look beyond ourselves and the desires we want fulfilled right now. Take a look!

Related Posts:

Purposefully Single

Still Single? Find encouragement.

One Step at a Time

I Kissed My Date Goodnight

I survived a miniature family reunion this weekend in New Jersey. Relatives gathered from near and far — including both coasts of Canada, Texas, Argentina, and The Garden State itself. We spent several days riding the magical carousel of eating and talking, eating and talking, eating and talking. Conversations effortlessly (and loudly) filled every empty space with multiple languages, laughter and much-needed reminiscence.

pizzaOn my final night there, we ordered a few pizza pies from a local joint and gathered around the table for — wait for it — more eating and talking. (If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?) I found myself in a particularly heartfelt, honest conversation with my brother, his wife, and my cousin, Daniel. We talked about faith and how sometimes it’s hard to believe in God, sometimes it’s hard to understand his ways. We each had areas of faith we struggled with, yet all…

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God Gave Me a Break (Another look at burnout)

The US packaging

Do you know what God did for me today? He literally gave me a break.

This week I decided to attend a nondenominational church I often visit, especially because I knew the pastor would be talking about marriage. I left having connected with the Holy Spirit and gained some food for thought about relationships. I then headed to my home church to catch part of service and most importantly, to teach my Sunday School class.

All was going as planned until I rounded up the teenage boys who comprise my class. As I waited for the last two to come out of the sanctuary and head upstairs, I found that no one was in the classroom. When I looked back, the other two had also disappeared. I spent a good 10-15 minutes searching the entire church twice and even the parking lot, only managing to find one of my 6-7 students.

Giving up the search, I headed back to my classroom defeated and I decided to pray. I’ve been challenged quite a lot through this class; whether it be with my students’ questions or personal feelings of failure. There have been many times I’ve come home feeling rejected by my students’ lack of interest that day. I’ve often questioned whether I was the right person to be teaching and whether I’d correctly read God’s will for me.

I want to share my prayer from this afternoon:

Father, today my students literally hid from me in order to not go to class. A part of me is hurt by that but then…I shouldn’t take it personally.

Father, at times like these I wonder if this is really what you’ve called me to. How capable am I really? But I know you don’t need me to help these kids understand you. I only need to be willing and you’ll take care of the rest. So, I put these kids in your hands and ask you to bless them with a keen interest to know and love you. Open their hearts to a deep understanding of your love. Draw them into strong personal relationships with you. Let their lives be centered on you and you alone. Help them turn to you and rely on you. Let them know that only you can provide the fulfillment they seek.

Father, please use me as you see fit. Be with me and guide me and bless me in this ministry you’ve given me. Encourage me, Father, and help me be heartened. In your name I pray, Amen.

The one thing that guarantees burnout is the fear that whatever you’re doing has been useless or is not appreciated. More than anything, that is what drains me of the desire to continue. However, what I thought of today was the post I put up earlier this week, especially this quote – “Take the time to be fed so that you can effectively feed others.”.

I re-read that post and I realized that today, God allowed me to take the time to be fed through the morning sermon and through the fellowship of friends at my home church.

Yes, I feel discouraged by what happened today but maybe God wanted me to take a break. And in that case, it just makes me more capable to “effectively feed others”.

Also, I may not have held class today, but I did have the opportunity to pray for my students and that is probably the most powerful thing I will ever do for them.

What is burnout?

“Take the time to be fed so that you can effectively feed others.” For those of us involved in any sort of ministry, we can all identify with the concept of “burnout”. It’s especially true when we’re in a situation where there isn’t a good support system or we’re working in an organization that isn’t very organized.

For me, burnout is also strongly related to time and the investment of time. Because my ministry is through Sunday School and Youth Group as a volunteer, I have to make sure that I take the time to rest and refill regardless of my work, school, and social commitments. Otherwise, I’m not really doing justice to the calling God has given me. Take a look at the wisdom of this post to read more.

Youth Ministry Incognito

burnout0

You seem to hear it everywhere.  Youth Ministry is one of the top burn out jobs in ministry.  I don’t know about you, but when I heard that early in my ministry I thought burnout was this explosion that happened and you up and quit.  Things would be going just okay and one day, BAM!, you’d be done.  But the longer I’ve been in ministry, the more I realize just how gradual a process burnout can truly be.

The sad part about burnout in ministry is that it starts on your first day of ministry.  All ministers are slowly ‘burning out’ constantly.  This is why I don’t like the term burnout.   A slow burnout process makes me think of a candle; the problem with that is it’s hard to add to a candle, so when it’s gone it’s gone.  I prefer to think of it as being ‘dipped out’…

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